A N G E L

/Friday, January 11, 2008

with love; 12:44 AM

Time checked now is 12.47am. Things are getting bleak around here so i decided to switch on my computer & do some blogging after not updating it for four consecutive days.
Suddenly, there were the thoughts of Olevel really makes my stomach blurge. I keep reminding myself about the upcoming result which is sooo freaking near. Each time, the thoughts of it makes me want to sink into the floor and hide like a mouse. I predict the day of my Olevel results, i'll get a gastric pain or something. I would even vomit or shiver for one hour. & my face will be extremely Pathetic and sore. These are all my symptoms when i'm having a nervous breakdown. An EXTREME one i mean. Don't laugh.
Currently, i'm making myself busy. Mostly because i want to kill time and earn money. I don't want to sit at home and skake my legs all day long. Anyway, shopping with my mum was absolutely great last week after i got my pay. Oh, and i spend my money like water. i love money, alot! My mom said it's a sin to love money cos' of blablablablabla. She explain to me for one hour. I get what she meant actually. But still, i love money cos it makes my world go round. Totally round.

/Sunday, January 6, 2008

with love; 2:45 PM

He came, he stole and he left. Just so simple, like that.

He came to my life, stole my heart away & left me w/o showing any signs. I wondered for the thousandth time how it could possibly be that i didnt see it coming? He wasn't anywhere near perfect when i first met him. For the past years, i was reaching for a man who had never helped me fill the terrfying hole in my chest, instead he makes it even worse. Why? Because i let him do that to me. Why? Bacause i miss him. Why? I don't know, and i'll never find the right answer. And NO, it's not a Love i'm feeling. Cos that word can NEVER be use to that kind of guy. I'm truly through being the queen of denial. I'm done with it. Not tomorrow, not in the future & not in the long run. In the past of one and half year, i experience every emotions. Hurt. Anger. Sorrow. Confusion and loss. Then panic and horror. At the moment, i'm numb and so tired that i could probably sleep for next three days. I'd like that. Sleep until the feeling went away.

/Wednesday, January 2, 2008

with love; 8:33 PM

My 2008 Resolution
- I want to lose weight
- I want to be a Good Girl
- I want my 2008 resolution to REALLY happen

Ok. This is my three resolution. I created that third resolution simply because none of my past resolution has ever happened before. HAHA.

It's 2008, finally. But i still can't believe it. Time crawls soo fast. A month later i'm gonna get my 'O' levels result, which i assume i'll never sleep for two weeks & never eat for one day, or even never bath for the whole of next month. I shudder at the thought of 'O' levels. I just feel like crawling into my bed, pulling the sheets up over my head and stay there for few years -_-
I really, really don't know how's my result is going to be like. It's either 'OK', bad, or worst. I totally have no idea what's my outcome. Whatever it is, i hope God will be a lil nicer to me.
Then, ten months later, i'm gonna be eighteen. OK HELLO! TEN MONTHS LATER? WTH? Haha.
Someone or somebody out there really need to reassure me that i'm going to do fine(even if it's not). For these past few days, i feel something is breathing under my neck. It's as though i'm worrying about something & i feel so tense easily. What a start for 2008. Perhaps i need a psychiatrist. Someone objective to look inside my head and tell me what's wrong with me and how to fix my life. Or maybe, i definitely need a time out from junk foods, work & useless-people. I'm physically and emotionally tired. I hope everything will be brighter tomorrow.