A N G E L

/Saturday, March 29, 2008

with love; 2:10 AM

"Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me

It's time I let you go

So I can be free

And live my life how it should be

No matter how hard it is

I'll be fine without you

Yes I will"

/Thursday, March 27, 2008

with love; 8:23 PM

Happy 18th Birthday to Nur Aqilah! May all your wishes and dreams come true. Finally, you're legal. Don't be naughty and behave well ok? I hope you'll find your Mr Right cos a person like you deserve a better guy. I really want to see you with a boyfriend right now. Haha. I love you alot. You've been there for me all along, to see and hear my breakdowns in life. Thank you for the unconditional love of a friendship/sister. Ohh i love my other amazing girls too.

/Sunday, March 23, 2008

with love; 1:09 AM

Time and date checked. 1.15am, 23 March 2008, Sunday morning. It's been approximately a month since you've last gone. I mean, it's no point of me lying to the whole wide world that i'm over you. It's weird, i mean it's really weird when i think back. It seems impossible that falling in love with you takes less than a minute but making myself hating you takes forever. Don't we realise it? The feelings have been dwindling to the point where they can be scattered with just one simple decision.

I do reflect on myself once in a while. I don't really quite understand what's happening or why it is happening in the first place, or why i even bothered to even tried to understand. Cos i realised, the more i wanted to understand, the more it's complicating me and at the end of the day, i'll hurt myself again. I want to know the truth, but i fear the truth. Yes, i admit i'm living in a denial. I should have just walk on and listen to others. I made a big mistake by following my heart instead of thinking with my pinky brain.

Afterall that we've been through(or specifically what I've been through), i deserve better than that. Soo much better. But hey, i'm glad that i'm back(partially back) - to my oldself. I'm lost & found.

/Friday, March 21, 2008

with love; 12:44 AM

"Everytime I feel alone, I can blame it on you"

/Monday, March 17, 2008

with love; 3:15 AM

I don't wanna waste my time trying to figure out where the hell i went wrong. Simply because i'm sick and tired of it. I made a promise to myself; no more failure. Time and again, things just revolves in fraction of seconds. I encountered a couple of dissapointment. I guess life in 2008 is treating me bad. I have no idea what holds in the store for me? I keep praying to God that it'll be better. And in no time(i hope), this depression will go away, slowly. I believe that time will heal all wounds. Deep deep deep down inside, i keep reminding myself it's over and i'm over you.

:(

/Sunday, March 16, 2008

with love; 3:02 AM

Happy 18th Birthday to Huda! Congrats cos you're finally 18 and legal now. So it seems i have a long way to go until October. I mean most of my friends are turning 18 soon faster than me. Blame my parents for having me so late. Haha!

I feel asthough i'm so fat right now :(

/Saturday, March 15, 2008

with love; 1:22 AM

it's funny how when i closed my eyes, and you always chase my thoughts away. When i couldn't sleep at night, i'll keep replaying every beautiful moment we had, and before i knew it, i'll be in my dreamland. I wanted to be strong, to stay strong in any circumstances. For my seventeen years of life, i admit i experience quite a few things. I guess that really makes me a whole lot of a stronger person. I had always tried my very best in everything i do. At the end of the day, i was still incapable of love. I'm such a failure. It's just not for me, at all. Maybe, the time hasn't come. I'm glad it hasn't come yet, cos i'm never ready. No, i would never rule out relationships. Someday i might decide i'm ready, but that day isn't even in the pipeline.

I don't hold any regrets, i don't want to. You just taught me the first step in life, or maybe the second or third. I hold on to you for quite some time now, it's time to let go. Yes. Let go, Nasiha. It's not yours. I'm trying to live with that sentence. I don't want to receive any reassurance that everything will be okay.

You really hit me hard..

SITI FAIRUZANA AND ZAHIDAH, my bestfriends who had always been there for me all this while. I love you both soo much. And Mummy, i'm really sorry if i made you worried. I just needed time on my own. I'm fine now :)

/Tuesday, March 11, 2008

with love; 11:45 PM

i can't wait to go to school, cos i'm really bored. Bored with many things; work, home and people. I'm working my ass out almost everyday. If i'm at home, mum will nagged at me about anything and everything. For example, "clean your room, wash the toilet, vacuum the house". And as always, i'll ignore her and go to sleep. Yes. You can say whatever you want. I don't do housechore, it's just not my thing.
On a brighter note, i'm going to school which is in ITE Simei, Nursing Course. I can't WAIT! I mean, those who are around me knows how much i want to become a nurse. I'm gonna make ya'll proud! And, what's even great is that i heard that school has tons of goofy hunkies. Goegeous! Life's just getting better each time!

Soo, i've been working on Coffee Club for almost two years now. And this is the most ungrateful disaster that has ever happened to me. I deleted the previous post because i think it's just too sin. HAHAHA.

I swear i didn't stare at her neither to her husband. Cos she accused me of staring at her and her husband. Goodness. Get a life. I'm a waitress, and of cos i have to walk around and look at customers. You don't expect me to walk around with my eyes shut? I won't be that stupid to even look at your husband whose age is like my own dad. My dad is more good looking than him and much thinner, unlike your fat husband. To think she's my mums' age, she still play that "STARING GAME" with an innocent seventeen year old girl. Oh common, she's rich and a tai-tai. You know that kind of high-class-but-corrupted person? She's just racist, that's all. She don't deserve my apology. She's and old wrecked whore! I pity you for being stupid and uneducated cos you don't know the meaning of 'STARING'. Nahh..i think she need a new pair of glasses, she's getting old..

/Thursday, March 6, 2008

with love; 1:27 AM

All that left was a bundle of memories and an image of his face that became more and more vague each day. Let's pull everything back and look at the brighter side of life. I most definitely need a time out from work, junk food and men. Actually, on second thoughts i think i need a holiday, a really good holiday. Prolly before my school starts. Physically tired and emotionally bruised. My heart and pride are in shreds, but those are the things which i will recover. Soon..

PS: you're just another chapter in my life..there will be many more..

/Saturday, March 1, 2008

with love; 11:21 AM

i never liked it when people saw me as weak. I wanted to be strong. People keep assuring solemnly that i'm strong cos i've been strong all this while. I'll admit i'm not. Things happened too quickly even before i realised it. Things changed. I learned to cope, at least on the outside. I did not want to be the victim of mild depression. Not the second time round. I wish i could reverse time and undo some stuffs. I can't turn back the clock, but i can wind it up again. Sometimes i cry. I just break down and cry. I don't always have a reason, it just happens. I think i can blame it on the fact that im a girl. Girls do strange things like that. They experience heart breaks. We don't always have a happy ending. I'm done locking up myself in my room for one consecutive week. I'm done crying and crying. I'm done drooling over you. I'm done being not-getting-over-you. Well, atleast i'm trying my best right now. I don't want to dissapoint myself, especially people around me. I needed real fresh air. I wanted to step outside and see the world again. The world, they have so much more to offer and they're waiting for me. There's soo many things i've yet to attain, learn and experience. I want to live my life, laugh it off, take chances and never have any regrets. I can't wait for the future, cos somehow i can clearly visualize that it'll be soo interesting.

I just love you, and you don't have to say anything. I just love you, and i need for you to know that. Im lying if i say i do not. I miss you too. I miss the way you hold me tight and you didn't want to let me go until i pushed you away. I miss when you kiss my nose and i close my eyes, i want that very moment to last forever. I've loved and lost. Love? Define it. I still don't have the exact definition for it. The word is too much; too strong. Let's move on. I'm speechless right now.