/Wednesday, April 30, 2008
with love; 8:53 PM
Last Sunday, something really annoying happened to me. Mum and I went to Mustafa Centre which was located at Little India. As it was a SUNDAY, we totally forget that the place was FULLY CROWDED with Indian guys and MOSTLY Bangladesh guys. And honestly speaking, i really hate the Bangladesh guys. I'm not a Racist, it's just that the look of their face makes me Hate them.So it was very very crowded, they are everywhere and anywhere. When i was there, i felt that my mum & i were aliens. Cos they looked at us asthough they had never seen any woman before. Disgusting? Totally.The story began when we walked throught the pavement and i was squeezing through the crowds. We were actually heading to Komalah rastaurant. My mum was walking infront of me and i walked behind her. Suddenly, an Indian/Banglah guy walked pass her and knock so hardly against her shoulder. I could hear the impact from behind and what makes me angry was that he didnt even said sorry to my mum. Before i could even cringed my angry face, he walked pass me and knock my shoulder sooo hard. I looked back and stared at him and give an angry sound. You know that kind of sound, "Arggh".So i looked infront and forget about it cos i was very HUNGRY. As i was walking in the midst crowd, i heard someone calling "EH EH EH EH" alot of times. I looked back and there he was! He was actually following me! I stop and pulled my mum's hand.His eyes were kinda red and he look like he was an evil sent from hell. I bet he smells bad. Anyway he asked, "why you got problem with me ah?" So i shouted to him, "What problem?" & ran behind my mum. I'm not scared of him, i'm just traumatised by Indian/Banglah men. My mum came to my rescue and shouted very loudly, "SHE WAS ANGRY AT YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOCK AGAINST HER SO HARD WITHOUT APOLOGISING! STUPID!" Then he said furiously and his hand high up on me, "I SLAP YOUR FACE!". My mum replied, "YOU STUPID KANINA NABEH CHIBAI!" And the next thing he did was walked away.Oh my God, lots of people were crowding around us. For once, i felt like i'm inside the Hindustan Movie. Obviously, i'm Ashwarai. *Giggle* Anyway, back to my story, i feel like killing that stupid jerk. He's such a moron with no manners at all. I pity him cos i guess his parents never brought him up that well. All you have to do is to open up that smelly mouth of yours and say the word "SORRY". Isn't it hard? Or maybe your mum have to teach you how to walk properly without knocking people. Your shoulder are not made of sponge. Fcuking rude guy with peanut brain. On a lighter note, i didn't know that my mum can really utter those vulgar words. Thanks mummy!
/Friday, April 25, 2008
with love; 10:36 PM
It was such a greatest disspointment at the end, though i tried not to dwell over the past. The thoughts of you crept into my mind last night. Honestly, i thought it's been a decade. I would lie if i say i didn't miss you. I would lie if i say i'd been over you. Cos things, feelings and people don't ever change overnight. Yet, you make me look like a fool, making me believe that you've changed. Looking back at all the things we've said and done, i realised words are just empty sentence & sacrifices are just a normal routine. You should have just go away and never come back. You should have either gave me all or nothing at all. It's over and done. I've seen how far you'd go. Don't tell me you're sorry when you're not. I didn't choose to become a failure but you made me feel like one & it's really sickening.
/Tuesday, April 22, 2008
with love; 9:16 PM
Now, i miss working! I bet they miss me too! *evil laugh*
/Sunday, April 20, 2008
with love; 1:01 AM
It's funny how this weird feelings has been running through my veins for the past few days. I looked into the mirror, denied my feelings and looked away. I was drowned with my own thoughts and questions seems to swirled around my brains. It's taking me over and i wish it's better off left unsaid.. I could never explain this nervous heart. For the first time ever, i did swallowed my pride but i just can't find any words to say. Or maybe, i'm clueless.
/Wednesday, April 16, 2008
with love; 8:44 PM
Firstly, I MISS MY TWO INCREDIBLE BESTFRIEND, ZAHIDAH & FAIRUZANA. Secondly, I hate waking up at 6am in the morning, it sucks!Thirdly, I hate it when i don't get sit in the bus from yishun to tampiness! It's tiring to stand during the whole ride!Fourthly, I hate LONG QUEUES & CROWDED people in the interchange or bustop!Fifthly, I think i like you alot (:
/Monday, April 14, 2008
with love; 9:49 PM
I HATEEE SCHOOOL.
/Sunday, April 13, 2008
with love; 3:05 AM
Many things were left unsaid & undone. Could you do for me a last favour before we close this chapter? Let's make a promise. Promise me that you'll never come back to me in the future? Promise me that you'll never make me fall in love with you again? Would you? It's not too much right? Please don't say you'll try not to, cos i know what your heart is saying. Please don't be selfish..As much as i love you, we just can't be. The last thing you said to me was that we were never meant to be together. So let's keep it that way, forever.
/Friday, April 11, 2008
with love; 11:25 PM
Two days ago, something really(REALLY) weird happened to me or may i conclude, it was one of the scariest day of my life.I went to work at 4pm, wore my uniform, went out the house, took a bus to Mrt, and everything was really normal. Then, i took the escalator to go up to the Yishun Mrt platform & walk towards the third last cabin. Suddenly, a lady who was standing right infront of me, panickly covered her face with her sweater which she was holding on. She went to the side & quickly took out her umbrella, opened them and covered her face and her whole body. It's asthough she's hiding from me which i definitely have no frigging idea what is it? The way she looked at me in my eyes & her eyes shockingly popped out, her face was frigging terrified. I was even terrified when she acted soo strangely. When the MRT arrived, she quickly aboard it and got a seat. Unfortunately for me, i found one seat available which was infront of hers. Took that seat & oh myyyy, she was horrified. She took out a newpaper and covered her face, AGAIN. IT WAS FRIGGING OBVIOUS THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK AT ME. The whole passengers in the Mrt was looking at the both of us(especially me). I was clueless!(embarrased too)During the whole ride, she keeps peeping at me & stealing that terrified glance. It was irritating & i was totally annoyed. Worst, i have to bear with it for 30min(Yishun to City hall). Got down in the same station with her, she didn't want to get near me. I quickly took the escalator and headed off to the exit. I didn't looked back. But, I kept thinking about her.. It is asthough she killed my small cat and she's running away from me cos i might catch her & bring her to the police. But that's just one stupid & lame excuses. I really feel asthough she saw something in me. You get what i mean? It's as though there was something/someone/somebody was inside/beside me. Have you guys seen the movie SHUTTER? Ah yes. It really creeps me. I mean..the way her face described everything - AFRAID. She was afraid of me, definitely. But, what did i do? :(Told my Mum the whole story(i acted infront of her,same actions). And she replied,"Go and sleep lahhh". I'm not creating any stories, it's damn true.There's two types of human; believers and disbelievers. In the past, i don't believe in these kind of things. But lately, something made me believe in it - Partly. It's scary & goosebump appears all over my body when i think of it, mainly when that lady appears in my mind. She looks very creepy too. Like some kind of 'evil-terrified-deprived-witch', not that witch you watch in "sabrina the teenage witch".. i just don't know what is the word to describe her, or maybe what kind of witch she was? My heart & mind was not in peace after that incident. I hoped i'll bumped into her one day & maybe asked her.. But i don't know what am i supposed to ask her?It's just crazy & right now, i'm soo scared.
/Thursday, April 10, 2008
with love; 1:04 AM
School is starting next week! I'm nervous. NOT excited about it though. Pfffftt!
/Wednesday, April 9, 2008
with love; 3:15 PM
Had a very big fight with my mum. Infact, it was one of the hurtful scence, compared to the other previous fight we had so far. I don't blame my mum for scolding me. She's being reasonable. I just can't accept the fact that you woke me up at 6.30am & scolded me. I mean, i need to get my beauty sleep. I'm really tired. Physically & mentally. Then, my brother add more problem to it. OMG. i can't believe it. He thinks he know everything, but he don't even know any single thing. He just add salt to the situation itself. How dare he scolded me? But hey, i don't really hear what he says. His words didn't even hurt me, or bother me at all. Afterall, he's a sissy. Haha. Let's not talk about him.I promise, i'll stay out from nicotine if i become a nurse (:
/Sunday, April 6, 2008
with love; 1:54 AM
It was foolish of me to fall in love with you. The END.
/Friday, April 4, 2008
with love; 3:20 AM
Let's play Dirty now.
/Wednesday, April 2, 2008
with love; 2:30 AM
The end had come all too soon. Actually, on a second thought, it's not the end, it's neither the beginning. I comfort myself. It hasn't yet started. Maybe i followed my heart too much. Tears keep rolling down without any warning. Again, i keep reminding myself it's been more than a month since you've been gone. Back then, it was totally different. I held everything down which i partly accept things that happened. I crave for reassurance that everything wil be alright(even it is not). It was a constant battle to fight with my own feelings. I got lost once in a while, but soon i found myself back on track. I've been powerless since the day he left & i'm trying my very best to reinvent myself. Noone said is was easy, it wasn't at all.For once a moment, i puzzle out whether or not a person i've never thought of, might slip unannouced into my life. I'm trying to picture myself in a relationship(which i NEVER thought of), into a perfect figure. My thoughts of incapibility of love made me sink into the floor and hide. I rather remain elusive than trying to figure out the complexity of the feelings. It's just too much for me & i'll never understand how this 'love thing' really works. Obviously, I am aware that my parents get married cos they love each other. Produce three incredible children and swear upon their life to stay by each other always and forever.I can't afford to waste my precious time trying to figure out things that i've yet wanting to understand. I mean, things just bound to happen and time will make you understand. Life is a game, you'll lose out if you give up. For the seventeen years of my life, i learn five things that are crucial. (1)Being hurt is inevitable. (2)Failure is not an option. (3)Practice good karma. (4)Accept truth though it's hard. (5)Finally; loved, lost and just let go. Believe me, i lived on that line for months..
